Is The Problem The Youth Or The Parents?

5 Ways to Resolve The Crisis of Losing Our Youth and Saving our Family

Written by Andreal Mallard- Eliminate The Stereotype

Many say it's time to reach our youth. They are lost, out of control, and violent due to lack of conflict resolution skills, and no one seems to have the answers. We've created mentor groups and organizations of all sorts to fight this battle, but the struggle seems to be too overbearing to overcome.. With the increase of gun violence and in school incidents, over the past few years, the trauma has taken a turn for the worst. But could it be we are battling the issue the wrong way, or are we off target with our approach? Should we focus on the parents now? What's the answer?

In my journey as a mentor working in and out the school system, I've noticed one thing when it comes to dealing with our youth and the circumstance they face in todays society. Labeled as at risk youth, these kids are suffering from the most devastating effects a child could face, and that is mom and dad aren't in home. In my study, research has shown that over 75% are not living with mom and dad, and more than 55% are raised by an auntie or uncle or grandparents. Leaving the child in a major state of confusion of why is mom and dad are not here, why aren't my parents married or together? Why can't my mom and dad work things out?

The kids who do have mom and dad are often times picked on, victims of bullying and social distancing; lacking the value of the asset, creating a spirit of rebellion of not being accepted. Could it be that the legendary rapper 2 Pac Shakur was right? Does "the Hate we give little infants actully screw everybody"? Could he have been right? Over the past 120 days i personally spoke with 5 young people and asked them "Whats going on, whats the problem?" And 3 out of 5 said i miss my dad or i want to see my dad and 2 out of 5 stated they don't like whats going on at home and don't want to go home after school because they don't like it.

Have we as a culture become comfortable with being co parents? Is marraige, a family living in the same home raising children a thing of the past? Are we giving our kids the best systems of operations to be successful. No one is saying a woman cant raise a man, or single dads can't do it alone, the I can do it all myself mentality or none of that bull cramp that has been shoved in our face for years as a stereotype used against men and women to prove a point. Let's simply look at the facts! Could it be that the state of our youth is our fault, the adults of now!

As i look around i see a high number of other men raising other men children like it's a never ending cycle which shows conflict resolution has been put on the back burner and many are acting off of emotions and not logic or rational thinking.

Grand parents tend to get the not so good end of the stick, and teachers aren't equipped to discipline and create a successful learning environment due to the high volume of distractions they face being overwhelmed on a daily bases. Here are 5 ways our community can improve the results we are seeking to get a handle on the problem we face as a whole raising the next generation:

5 Ways to Resolve The Crisis of Losing our Youth and Saving our Family

1. Build better home environment- Kids need a safe space! The battle starts at home first. Dysfunction and discord create hostile situations that the kid may not even speak about it but go to school and act out often times taking their anger out on teachers, counselors and even other students. 2. Parents, step up, Be parents! Be the mentor- The first mentor or act of guidance starts in the home! The best advice and leadership comes from parents who operate in what's best for the child! Dont let other people decide the fait of your child! It's our

responsibility as parents to be the first responders. 3. Create relationships with teachers, coaches, community leaders, etc- It's simple, parents can't do it alone, it takes a village! Their are others who pour into your child's life daily and working together, communicating and being active in the trenches can improve behavior. Parent/Teacher conferences have shown that behavior becomes better when this tactic is put in place. Paying the bills and buying them nice things is great, but rearing the kids with positive influences changes the game. 4. Know whats going on! Talk to your child! Be a great listener and teacher.- Know whats going on with your child! Go thru their phones and see who they communicate with, who is their social circle and find out if they are on social media platforms and what they post. Sit down and talk, let them know your interested in their life and most importantly your watching and aware. 5. Develop conflict resolution skills- This by far is the most important factor. Teach your child how to deal with conflict and not just act out in emotions. I've seen many kids comment crimes and danger out of emotional thinking and when the judge hit them with a sentence, they cry like a baby! Not realizing the results could go left field. Teach them how to talk out their anger and not act it out. This is one of the major causes of gun violence amongst youth not really realizing the results of poor decision making.