Written By Andreal Mallard- #EliminateTheStereotype
In a modern society, marriage may not be as high on the priority list for couples who become parents. In these scenarios, kids may either live with both parents for set periods of time, or the children may live solely with one parent.
Raising a child can be tough when two adults decide to go their separate ways; however, the child(ren) must be raised and supported. Oftentimes, parents tend to have differing values which may or may not be agreeable in the child’s interest(s).
It is to the advantage of any child birthed to a couple that are in harmony with one another, especially if the parents are happy and in agreement. However, major decisions can sometimes produce tough moments between seemingly happy parents.
While these tough challenges might force parents to completely go their separate ways, I would like to share 5 tips on co-parenting to help fathers and mothers form a solid foundation that will work to protect their child’s interests.
5 Ways To Becoming Better Co Parents
1.Work Together! This is very important because working together helps establish common goals. When the children see both parents working together, it provides them with a great example and they may develop the skill of working with their peers in their daily lives. When kids suffer from witnessing discord and dysfunction, they may tend to act out more and show lack of self-confidence that will especially help them to make critical decisions. They may also take on their parents’ bad habits, causing them to be loners and develop low self-esteem. Short tempers and aggressive behavior can begin to develop, which may be detrimental to the need for children to form habits of respect towards themselves and to others.
2.Establish a Parenting Plan (and stick to it!) Most parents can reach consensus when the plan is clearly defined. However, in some cases parents who simply cannot agree, and/or when one parent may be too controlling, they may exercise the option of going through the court system or a third-party arbiter to resolve issues. It's relatively simple if you consider that if it took 2 individuals to make the child, logically it will take 2 (and a supportive village) to raise the child, giving a fair amount of opportunities for mothers and fathers to be a part of the child’s life.
3. Minimize Your Need for Control. Remember, your child is a product of you both! Unless there is a prior history of domestic violence or any other illicit behavior, your child needs both of you— at your best! Although in Georgia law, mothers are automatically given custody for children born out of wedlock, the father still has a right to establish legitimation, request visitation and can support his child. Always use common sense, and try to intentionally make the right decisions without your ego being involved. Acting in this manner may prevent the courts from issuing mandatory legal orders to tell you how to parent your child. And let’s not forget — this can be a time-consuming, expensive process. Save money! Playing a game of ‘keep away’ from the other parent only breeds more discord and anguish in your child's life.
4. Be Transparent. Know and communicate your strengths and your weaknesses! Both parents can provide their child with the value of their love and guidance, and believe it or not, your child needs these from both of you. One parent may be a better teacher, or a better playmate, or better at a certain skill, or vice versa. Give your child the best version of yourself.
5.Communicate. Communication is key to any relationship! It helps establish common goals, sets definable boundaries, and is a healthy way to keep the peace between both parties. As a parent, you may not have to talk everyday or at every minute, but you know what they say, “practice makes perfect.” Effective communication can help you both understand each other’s perspective on issues that will likely benefit your child’s overall development.
The health and well-being of the child is the biggest measure of success in co-parenting. Yes, it can certainly be difficult, and it doesn't always mean you will agree on everything, but showing courtesy and respect towards each others’ thoughts and values can truly help build stronger relationships.
Tit-for-tat interactions only cause more conflict; resolving issues must be handled by seriously and calmly focusing on one issue at a time. No good parent wants to see his or her child suffer, nor would he or she want their child to become another statistic of unfortunate circumstances. Plenty of juvenile delinquents and children who show early tendencies to bully and/or abuse others are often witnesses to bad interactions on the part of either parent. Every tall tree must be rooted on a strong foundation.
Parents —before we call it quits, let’s fulfill our roles and give our individual bests in firmly planting our young seeds into the greatness we know they can achieve!
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